I was once too a daddy's girl

" Today, dad is in pain. He tried to sleep but my brother and I woke him up as we were making too much noise playing. He is pretty upset now. I don't understand. Why does he needs to sleep during the day? Isn't it for babies? He is screaming at us because he was unable to sleep. I don't understand. The light and the noise are giving him headaches. He is threatening to leave the house. Mum is crying. He is saying he cannot live with that amount of pain anymore. I am scared to lose him. He keeps on saying he will be in a wheelchair soon. I can't imagine my hero in a wheelchair.  He is saying that if things are going this way he prefers to die. He is going outside. He has had enough of this pain. He does not want to live like this anymore. I run after him. I can't find him. Will I ever see him again? I don't know. I am only ten years old and my dad suffers from a terrible chronic illness. My mum feels helpless and cries. She has a business to run and 3 kids to take care of. I am spending hours not knowing where my dad is. When is the next time I will see him? Will he be alive? Why am I not enough to make him want to stay with us?"

Would you not be upset too if every vertebra of your spine had fused together? Chronic pain destroys lives and steals your innocence, but there is a happy ending to this story. It is in these darkest times that my father's doctors realized he could no longer fathom the pain and was put on a trial of a brand new drug called Embrel. It was 10 years ago and it has been a success for him. He has had two hip replacements and he is not in a wheelchair. He has been traveling a lot and never been so happy. You cannot ever give up because you never know what's around the corner or what new treatment will be available tomorrow. I am glad my dad did not give up, I can still look upon him as an example of strength and resilience, he has also been the person that has understood me the most in my own journey with chronic pain. It is always better to walk in the darkness with someone that can light up the way.

Much love

xxx