Overcoming the diagnosis of a chronic illness

Being diagnosed with an incurable auto-immune disease at the age of 17 put me on a journey I
never thought I would be on. The day my rheumatologist told me I had Psoriatic Arthritis, I became mad at the entire world. I did not know how life could be that unfair. It took me years to accept the diagnosis and few more to fully embrace it.

The different stages you go through when accepting the diagnosis of a chronic illness are very similar to the stages of mourning. Life as you know it is gone and you have to mourn the person you used to be. It does not mean things won’t get better, it just means you must rediscover yourself and find the silver linings of your diagnosis first.

The following stages compare to the Kübler-Ross model* that was established By Dr Elisabeth
Kübler- Ross in her 1969 book "On death and dying". She later applied those stages to the onset of a chronic illness.

1 - Denial

The day I was told I will live with Psoriatic arthritis and its consequences for my entire life, my mind went blank. I could not comprehend what was going on and words like "lifelong" and "no cure" did not make sense to me. When my family tried to talk about it with me I just ignored them. I closed myself up and went in complete denial. I thought the doctor was wrong and there was probably something else going on. The following years I continued living my life as normal, I did not talk to anyone about it. I just went on drinking and partying like any early 20-year- old girl. When the pain came back even stronger, I booked appointments with many different doctors to make sure it was not “something else”. I could have saved myself a lot of money on that one, but I needed to explore all the possibilities to be able to move on.

2 - Anger

I throw my fair share of tantrums at my body. There have been screams, tears, stuff thrown across the room and glasses broken. The pain can sometimes make you feel like a prisoner of your own body and the mind will do anything to escape. I was frustrated at my body, I felt like I was losing control of who I was. Anger is here for a reason and whether you accept it or not, it will find its way out.

3 – Bargaining

"I will never eat gluten again and only feed myself with greens and surely my body will get into
remission!" or "I will become so perfectly healthy that it will be impossible for me to be sick". I used to constantly bargain with myself on how I will get better and I can tell you straight away, it is not healthy for your mind at all!

4 – Depression

Is life worth living when you have to spend every day in pain? What kept me going when I felt
depressed about my illness was the fact that there is treatment today that did not exist ten years ago. Hope is always something worth hanging on to when you suffer. I always thought I did not need to seek any kind of help regarding my chronic pain, but I recently started to see a psychologist and it really can be a precious help when you find the right person to speak to. You are not alone, and those feelings will pass.

5 – Acceptance

Auto-immune diseases can be very difficult to diagnose, it sometimes takes years to receive a clear diagnosis. I always thought that when someone will figure out exactly the cause of my pain, it will bring me relief, but it did not. I am still hoping sometimes the doctors were wrong and I probably just have something easily curable they forgot to test me for. Acceptance is not receiving a clear diagnosis but coming to terms that your body has changed and life will never be the same again. Believe me it is a tough one to accept! I started to embrace my illness when I realized the changes I had been forced to do brought me into a better place. I start taking ownership of my health and discovered a wonderful wellness community in Australia. It opened many doors for me to fulfill my passion and help others. It may have taken a while, but I am now able to see the silver linings.

Now it is time let your body know how much you love it and to see it as an ally. It is the only body you will ever get, and it deserves the most of your attention.

*www.ekrfoundation.org