Another social anxiety story
Have you ever dreamed of moving by yourself in the middle of nowhere to avoid social encounters? I do, most days, and everyday I wonder if I am a weirdo or if there are millions of other people out there feeling the same way.
I love people, but I am more a one on one kind of girl than big party hangouts. I do love people, I love hearing their stories, their struggles and their passion but I do not have energy for breathing peoples smoke, drunk discussions and fake relationships anymore. On Sunday night, I think about the fact that I HAVE TO plan seeing my friends if I don't want to loose them (crazy uh). I try to plan it around my work schedule and my sleep needs and it all become to stressful before it even happens.
My phone ringing makes me anxious, sometimes I dread opening my texts and I can't even start talking about how Messenger makes me feel. People see if you read their messages or not, then they expect an answer within a minute and if you don't, there is something wrong with you. What a nightmare!!!
I recently started to have panic attacks whenever I am supposed to go out in the evening. I am tired and in pain, all I want is to go to bed with a good book. It does not bother anyone if once in a while you decline your friends invitation, but what do you do when you always feel this way?
Usually, It makes me feel like a let down, I become insecure and I just spiral down from here.
Keep reading! There is actually an other option!
I have few friends, no massive group of friends but few good friends and that's enough for me. Still I found myself feeling very bad about some of my friendships. I got tired of feeling guilty of how I felt, constantly having to justify myself and not being able to share what I truly stand for. Even better, I've got enough of the kind of friends that find you "too stressful" to be around their good vibes. (seriously???)
My issue is probably that I do not like talking about the weather. I like people sharing their messed-up life with me. I see beauty in the broken ones, the survivors, the warriors, the desperately romantics, the cynics, the ones in pain, the ones that cured their pain. In brief, people that have LIVED!
“Those who have suffered understand the suffering and therefore extend their hands”
So one morning, I was sitting on my couch, looking at my phone. I strongly considered throwing it away and after few minutes I realised my phone was not the problem. It was only the people I was surrounding myself with that made me feel anxious. So I started thinking about every person I hangout with and I made a list.
To keep or to throw: that was an easy one, every time I was thinking about someone, I was following my gut instinct and if it felt like a stomach cramp, I decided to let go of them. If it seems difficult for you, try positive affirmation like "Thanks for the lesson, I now release you" and repeat it for as long as you need.
Spread the love: I am amazing, you are amazing and we all deserve people around us that see the awesome person we are. So after I finished my list, I decided to call (yes, to call, no sms, no messenger bullshit) the ones that matter and always made me feel good and allowed me to show up as myself. I thank them for how they make me feel and how grateful I am to have them in my life.
Be the friend you want to have: I have also questioned myself on what kind of friend I was. In the last few years, I did not care enough for the people that were caring for me and put too much energy in the wrong relationship. With less people to please, I can now put my energy and free time towards the people that really deserve it.
Let go: With some people, you will never have the final word and it does not matter. Only you need to know you are amazing and no one else. Letting go of relationships that don't deserve you will also allow better ones to come into your life.
Enjoy the free time: The time wasted in useless relationship can now go towards taking care of yourself. Once you are rested and in a good mood, it will be easier to show up as your best self for your friends and for yourself!
Take care Wellness Lovers
xxx
