Living with debilitating pain
Today, I cannot recall how it feels to not be in pain. Sometimes, I close my eyes really hard and try to remember how it felt to be able to move freely, to not base my decisions on if my body can handle it or not, to be able to run. But I cannot spend my life dwelling on what I miss, so instead I am trying to be grateful. My illness made me change my life for the better, I will probably still be eating rubbish, drinking and smoking if my body did not decide to give me a wake up call. Every challenge that has been brought to us is a challenge we can handle. I am grateful to feed my body with delicious fruit and veg and I am grateful to take care of myself. I am listening to my body and hear its needs. Sickness does not come out of nowhere, it is all the feelings we have bottled up for many years, it is all the sadness we never got to deal with. But now, here we are, we have got an opportunity to free our body of our negative thoughts and release the past to make a new start with ourselves.
It is took me years after the diagnosis to start taking responsibility for my health. At first I thought ignoring the problem will make it go away but it only came back stronger. The fact I could not get a definite diagnosis only made it worse. I refused to accept my illness, and kept thinking it was probably just a running injury. I spent thousands of dollars in doctors and tried so many different treatments with unpronounceable names that I feel I could now work in a pharmacy! None of theses medications worked. My rheumatologist ended up prescribing me some Leflunomide, a drug with serious side effects and the impossibility to conceive while on it. This is when I decided to stop the drug experiment and start looking for a better way to live!
I have embraced my illness. The money I am not spending at the doctor is now being spent on nutritious organic food. I practice yoga and meditation. I still have pain but I have stopped being upset about it. I listen to what my body is telling and I try not to be too harsh on myself. When the pain flair ups do get too much, I still use a minimum of prescribed medication but for me it is all about finding a good balance between help and health.
To all the wellness lovers out there with a chronic illness or chronic pain, remember your are not your illness, it does not define you as a person. Every illness or disease is a message, it is your mission as a wellness lover to discover its meaning. I know it often feels like your body is letting you down and you wonder, what have I done for it to react like that? But don't!
Tell your body how much you love it and how much you appreciate it sending you some signals. Choose to see your body as an ally, it is the only body you will ever get and it deserves the most of your attention.
Be fearless, It is in your power to start seeing things differently!
So what is is your next step to tune into your body? Meditation? Yoga? Or a GP appointment you have been pushing back for a long time?
